|Released||September 29th, 2017|
|Writer(s)||Nick Kroll, Andrew Goldberg, Jennifer Flackett, Mark Levin|
The episode first begins with a science class watching a documentary about the female reproductive system. After a brief conversation with Nick about what girls have as genitals, the Hormone Monster pops out of Andrew's desk and insists that he masturbates in the school restroom.
Later on during sunset, the Birch family invite Andrew over to sleepover and have dinner. After an awkward exchange with his parents, Nick insists that he and Andrew excuse themselves from dinner to go to Nick's room. When the boys are simply playing basketball in Nick's room, Andrew suddenly informs Nick that he isn't going to attend the upcoming school dance.That night, Andrew is in Nick's bathroom wearing only a towel applying his acne cream. As he's walking out the bathroom, Nick jumps out his closet and startles Andrew. As Andrew jumps, his towel drops to the floor. This causes an awkward exchange between the two as Andrew tells Nick not to look down, to which he does anyway.
Both the boys eventually decide to go to sleep, but neither one of them can sleep just yet due to what just happened. As time goes by, Nick Birch does fall asleep, while Andrew is wide awake. Once again, the Hormone Monster appears. Andrew informs him that he wouldn't masturbate right next to his friend while he's sleeping, but the Hormone Monster talks him down and once again tells Andrew to start masturbating.The next day, Elliot and Diane are in the cat with Nick and Andrew about to drop the latter off at home. Andrew asks Nick why they aren't going to play basketball at Jay's house anymore. Nick tells a lie to Andrew saying that he has "family stuff this weekend." Once they drop Andrew off at his home, Diane and Elliot notice how the boys were interacting and ask Nick what's happening between the two. Nick tells his parents what happened last night, but they take his comments wrongly and assume that he is coming out to them. He corrects his original statement and tells his parents how Andrew's penis was bigger and hairier than his.
Monday at school, Nick walks into the boy's locker room for P.E. when he notices Andrew changing. Nick walks up and greets his friend, but is interrupted by Coach Steve. When Steve walks away, DeVon, Jay, and Andrew begin talking about how the school dance is going to be the same night as the New York Knicks basketball game. Nick starts to imagine all three of the boys as large, talking penises. While playing basketball in the school gym, Nick has the ball and is still imagining the other kids as penises. Scared, he pushes one on the ground (it happens to be Andrew).
Next, Andrew is talking to the Hormone Monster about why Nick pushed him on the ground. Being the Hormone Monster that he is, instead of helping Andrew, he insists that Andrew should get aggressive and "curb" Nick.Jay, Jessi, and Andrew are hanging out at a set of lockers with Jay performing a magic trick for Jessi (much to her dismay). Missy approaches the group and informs them about the theme for the school dance on Friday. Jay tells his friends to "shut up" so he can continue his trick. He performs a trick where he pulls a card out of his mouth, but Missy quickly acknowledges that he had the card in his hand the whole time when he pulled it out. Jessi adds to that by saying she never cared enough about the trick in the first place. Nick finally arrives at school when he notices Olivia and proceeds to approach her. Andrew quickly takes notice of Nick and Matthew appears to tell the group that Nick is going to talk to the eighth graders. Nick confidently asks Olivia if she wants to attend the school dance with her on Friday, to which she awkwardly accepts. Watching Nick get a date to the dance upsets his group of friends, especially Andrew. This causes Andrew and Nick to get into an argument and everyone else in the hallway starts to notice.
Cast & Characters
- Nick Kroll as Nick Birch, Hormone Monster, Coach Steve, & Lola
- John Mulaney as Andrew Glouberman
- Jessi Klein as Jessi Glaser
- Jason Mantzoukas as Jay Bilzerian
- Jenny Slate as Missy
- Fred Armisen as Elliot Birch
- Maya Rudolph as Diane Birch
- Jordan Peele as Duke Ellington
- Andrew Rannells as Matthew
- Paula Pell as Barbara Glouberman
- Richard Kind as Marty Glouberman
- Jak Knight as DeVon
- June Diane Raphael as Devin
- Andrew: "I'm not going to ask a girl. I don't need that kind of rejection."
- Nick: "We're gonna go as a group. You, me, Jessi, and Jay."
- Andrew: "But Jay, he's been bragging that he's gonna get fingered at the dance."
- Nick: "What?"
- Andrew: "He's gonna get fingered."
- Nick: "Okay, first of all, I think he's got that wrong. Either that or you must've grossly misquoted him."
- Andrew: "Oh my god, you're always right... what the hell is wrong with me?"
- Hormone Monster: "Nothing. You're a perfectly normal gross little dirtbag. Now stare at that cat clock and massage your dinger."
- Andrew: "No, Nick's grandmother gave him that clock."
- Hormone Monster: "She knew what she was doing..."
- Andrew: "Wait, what do we do about the mess?"
- Hormone Monster: "Sleep in it, pig. Mwuah"
- Nick: "Okay, last night when he was changing, I saw Andrew's penis."
- Elliot: "And now you're worried if you're homosexual? Nicky, a man can touch another man's penis or even kiss one. Very lightly. And it still doesn't necessarily mean he's a homosexual."
- Andrew: "Oh my god, do you think Nick saw me jerking off? I told you I shouldn't do it in his room..."
- Hormone Monster: "Or here's an idea. Maybe he's jealous of what a fucking man you are! You should kick his ass. Do that curbing thing where you stick his teeth on the edge of a curb and stomp on the back of his head. What's that called?"
- Andrew: "Curbing?"
- Hormone Monster: "Yeah, that makes sense. You should curb Nick!"
- Jessi: "Oh no... Those girls are gonna eat him alive. And then barf him out because they're bulimic."
- Matthew: "You're fucking funny. [yelling] She's funny! We're friends now."
- Nick: "Yeah... but I mean, it's not like we had definitive plans."
- Hormone Monster: "Rage, rage! FUCKING RAGE! THAT'S BULLSHIT!"
- Andrew: "That's bullshit!"
- Jessi: [whispering] "Andrew, dial it back. Everyone can see your feelings."
- Andrew: "Fuck you!"
- Jay: "Fight, fight! Worldstar!"
- Jay: "Hey, ladies. Having fun? I think tonight's gonna be pretty... hot." [fire blazes from his hands]
- Devin: "Oh my god, what the hell!?"
- Lola: "Yeah, we're wearing a ton of hairspray you psycho!"
- Jay: "I AM NOT A PSYCHO!"
- Jay: "Holy shit Olivia is hot. I'm gonna pump my pillow full of Jay-jizz later thinking about it."
- Matthew: [recording Nick & Andrew] "Nick and Andrew: You're friends again, Nick's pants are gone, the teachers look poor, what the fuck is going on?"
- Nick: "Well Matthew, it's been a great night in Ancient Mesopotamia-"
- Matthew: "Boring. Nick, we heard you kissed Jessi in the hallway."
- Nick: "Uh, Jessi and I would appreciate that you respect our privacy at this time."
- Matthew: [recording himself now] "Sounds like he fingered her."